Friday, December 28, 2007

Good vs. Evil

“The best way to lose weight is to develop an orthodox belief in some religion that doesn't allow any fun”
- Gregory Nunn

Oh, am I glad the holidays are almost over. I feel like such a blob! This morning's trip to the scale wasn't too bad-- 144.6, up .4 from last week. That seems about right. I can definitely feel those few extra pounds, though-- in my belly, on my legs, in my face. It's crazy how gaining just a little bit can change your whole body image. A few weeks ago when I was on the losing end of the scale, I was feeling so fit and sexy. I wore my cute shorts and a tighter fitting tank top to work out in several days; now I feel like sweats and baggy t-shirts are all I need to be seen in.

Again, let me whine that it's totally unfair that I can't eat everything I want, whenever I want it, and still feel hot and have tons of energy to work out. Dammit. And (still in a whiny voice) why is it so much harder to find motivation to work out after not having done it for even a few days? I seriously had to drag myself to the gym yesterday. I had no enthusiasm for my workout. I didn't like the looks of myself in the mirror in the locker room. I felt like a first-timer my first few laps in the pool...

Luckily, it hadn't been too long since I last worked out (really just 4 days off), so things started coming back pretty quickly. By the end of my 750 yd swim I was feeling good. I had a positive body-image moment when I caught a glipse of my right upper arm/shoulder when I turned to breathe-- there was some good muscle definition there, not just a blob of fat.

Then on the way home, I debated stopping at Qdoba (a quick cali-mex place that makes the most amazing homemade salt/lime tortilla chips). The Bad Carly was taunting, "Oh, what the hell, you've already blown your diet for the week-- might as well continue til the end of the year, then start fresh after the 1st. Stop in for a bag of chips and queso." The Good Carly, however, reminded me, "Remember how good you felt a few weeks ago when you were eating well and losing weight... let's do that again! We can start tonight! Let's go home and make some healthy soup." Guess who won.

I made it home sans chips! Good Carly, 1. Bad Carly, 0. But the battle wasn't over. I reached in the freezer to take out some frozen chicken sausage for my soup, when I noticed a frozen pizza. "Yes, victory!" shouted the Bad Carly. So I turned the oven on to preheat it. "Are you kidding?!" the Good Carly torted. "I thought we just decided to be good to ourselves. Sure, the pizza might taste good. But you know you'll eat the whole thing, then feel like crap about it later and be sluggish at Power Pump tomorrow morning. Make the friggin' soup!"

Good Carly, 2. Bad Carly, 0. My soup had one medium potato, one link of chicken-basil sausage, 2 cups of low-sodium/no fat chicken broth and 2 cups of water, Italian seasoning, and 2 cups of torn spinach. I ate two-thrids of it, then packed a third for lunch today. I had a few crackers on the side, and finished with 1/4 of a dark chocolate bar. And I felt good about myself. But it was a struggle to get there. And it always is. Will it always be? Will I ever get to the point where making healthy eating decisions is second-nature, where Bad Carly doesn't lobby so hard on nearly every decision? Is it possible to do without devoting myself to some crazy No-Fun religion, as Mr. Nunn suggests?!

I hope so, but I honestly don't think the temptation of Bad Carly will ever go away. But if we can just get her to simmer down a bit... Stay tuned. I have some new goals that I'll be revealing soon (they might somewhat resemble New Years Resolutions...) that'll give Bad Carly a run for her money... literally.

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